thats it
I've snapped
I don't like holding things together but truthfully if i never called them
we wouldn't be friends
we wouldn't hang out
If they call me before europe we'll hang out
if they don't
they'll get a post card

I need to feel like i have real people to rely on
people who exist in the day
and do more then talk
and drink
I want to make fewer mistakes

I want to be missed.

  posted by starnikkie @ 8:45 AM

 
i am not even really alive am i? it doesn't feel like it today. these few days i feel fine but something happens and i feel alone. i am alone but i am not going to throw myself into thing i am not going to do anything i am leavign for europe soon anyhow
when i get back it work and school and theatre how can i feel alone? how can i feel like ive lost everyone real

  posted by starnikkie @ 10:42 AM

 
its a taste
a fear
what does she want i am already alone
she has need for no concern because i am not after anything of hers
i never was
it was always hers anyway

  posted by starnikkie @ 10:39 AM

 
oh go away judgement and sour taste
leave me alone decisions, time, and space
the future feels like its hunting me i am its prey
falling into a deep hole of easy

  posted by starnikkie @ 8:01 PM

 
honesty is easy when you think no one is listening
you publish something publically for the danger
your telling the secret
you just hope the peopel who find out dont exist

  posted by starnikkie @ 8:28 PM

 
work!!!!

  posted by starnikkie @ 8:17 PM

 
two thought, both of equal ridicule and amusement
dating another... again. this is of the impossible
having a crush/ getting involved with the other
this is the one i want but its just as stupid as the first suggestion

i may as well date brady again. too bad choice number two is just more appealing

  posted by starnikkie @ 12:52 PM

 
i'm sooo tired...
sleeping and dreaming helps a person learn to live with themselves
its a beautiful thing, i think i may be addicted
i realized this walking past a blurry street lamp on a misty night
groggy from the alcohol i consumed and brushed my feet along the cement counting the steps home and wished upon each star i saw to pass the time it takes to get there.

  posted by starnikkie @ 10:07 PM

 
so it should be an act. because i am supposed to care not because i do. thats what gives her the jealousy. i lie about moral? no. it just seems like the right thing

  posted by starnikkie @ 1:02 PM